Hey Reader,
I can vividly recall exactly three times in my professional life when I lost my temper.
I don’t mean the silent-eye-roll or the I’ll-talk-to-you-later cool-off moments. I mean, full-blown frustration that rose up in me like a wave, and crashed directly into someone else.
And each time, I learned the same lesson: when your emotions take the wheel, the relationship and the conversation goes off the road.
In The Next Conversation, Jefferson Fisher introduces this brilliant metaphor about staying in the “front seat.” Picture it like this—your rational brain is the driver, and your emotional brain is in the backseat. The moment you let the backseat emotions start yelling directions, grabbing the wheel, or kicking your seat, the ride turns reckless.
I’ve been there.
There was one meeting, years ago, where a colleague dismissed my ideas in front of a senior leader. It wasn’t the first time, and I felt my backseat driver jump to attention. I interrupted. My voice rose. I said something sharp and defensive that felt powerful in the moment. But it came at a cost.
I made my point, sure. But I also made a mess.
I had to circle back and do repair work that took weeks. What I learned wasn’t just about controlling my reactions; it was about recognizing who was driving and how quickly my emotions can hijack me if I’m not paying attention.
Here's how I try to stay in the front seat now:
- Check my body before I check my words. Tension in my shoulders or heat in my face? That’s my signal to pause.
- Use a phrase that buys time. Something like “Let me think about that” or “Can I take a moment?” gives my rational brain a chance to reengage.
- Rehearse my triggers. Yes, really. I prep for conversations I know might spark a reaction.
- Visualize staying calm. Not in a cheesy way, but in a “this meeting doesn’t own me” kind of way.
- Practice after-action reflection. Not just what went wrong, but what worked, what didn’t, and what I want to do next time.
We all have backseat drivers. The goal isn’t to throw them out of the car—it’s to keep them from taking control of the conversation.
Because the next conversation, like Fisher reminds us, is already on its way.
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A Little Bit About Regina
I'm Regina Taute (say Howdy Taute and you've pronounced it right) a seasoned talent leader with experience in leadership and organizational development. I started Collective Growth Coaching and Consulting to partner with organizations to develop wildly practical and effective talent strategies. As a credentialed coach and certified in MBTI and Hogan assessments, my passion lies in unlocking potential and driving sustainable growth by helping individuals and teams thrive in today’s evolving business world.
It would be my honor to join you for a complimentary 30-minute coaching session to help solve a current challenge with wildly practical solutions or to meet with you one-on-one to chat and get to know you.
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